Day 87

Today I did church treasury business, and encouraged the neighbors by hanging out my sheets!! Oh yeah- I am really itching for some nice weather. It is still a bit chilly today, in the 40's, but it is nice and sunny with promise in the air. Soon all will be green again. And my sheets are going to smell so good :)
How does that point to Christ, you ask? Well, spring tells the story of resurrection, I answer. The illustrated promise of rebirth and the victory over death!

Day 84, 85, 86

I have been bedoing a bunch the last few days! Helped mom, helped a friend, encouraged some others.
The neat thing is that God has been giving me opportunities, I have not planned anything out lately. I am learning that if I just keep engaged in life, and look around, there is no shortage of ways to help and encourage people. Things like dresses and parachutes are extracurricular!
My favorite opportunity was to care for my son in a special way while he was sick this morning. Brought him medicine and water in bed, and a bit later took him some oatmeal. He was so thankful for such simple things. Being 14 now, I guess he thinks it is pretty special when mom still mothers him a little.

By the way! You should try McDonald's oatmeal- it might not be great for you but it tastes pretty good!

Day 83

That's all

Day 82

I do volunteer work in the school library. I did not start volunteering out of the goodness of my heart, our school gave us the opportunity to volunteer in return for a discount on tuition. So I work in the library once a week for two hours. I realized while working there today that my obligation was almost over. I asked the wonderful librarian, Mrs. Dennis, if I could continue to come in after my time was up and she said she would not turn me away. I believe I will continue to go in as long as they will let me. I have always found peace around books. When I was young my favorite place to hang out was the library in town. I often dreamed of being a librarian!
Books. Stories. Pictures. Poetry. Expressions of life. Layers of meaning. New perspectives. Old romances. Laughter....
Whenever I know a person is in need of encouragement my first thought is often, "what book can I share?"
Books. It makes perfect sense to me that God wrote us a book.

Day 81

Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim. Proverbs 15:4

I really need to start blogging earlier in the day. I am whooped. Had a busy day- busier than I had hoped it would be, I did not get to crochet a single stitch! Well that is how it goes; I try to remember my days belong to God, not me.
I did a couple of things to encourage people today. I also snapped at my husband for no good reason. I was having flashes and cooking hot food and he was hovering around wanting to help. I just snapped and said, "Just get away from me!" Not very nice, huh? Luckily he got over it quickly, he is very forgiving. Sometimes a gal just needs space to do her thing, but I surely could have said it nicer. It is one of those times I wish I had a rewind button!
Goodnight!

Day 80

All she wants to do is....crochet!


I'm hooked- pun intended. So I am making a few projects for people and a couple of others for the "cottage".
Yep, I have exactly six things going right now. One is a little mouse for a special little girl, who happens to like mice.
So, yeah, gotta go!

oh the things you can do!

Day 79

Went to a friend's birthday dinner

Was introduced to one of her friends

Found out she had lost a friend and wanted to learn how to make some of her clothes into a quilt

I offered to help

We met for coffee

I explained the basics and encouraged her

Had a nice chat

She invited me to her Bible study

It has been a desire of my heart to have a womens study group for a long time

I went this morning

Feels like a perfect fit 

Thank you Papa!

Day 78

Today was a show my love with food day. My son Nick came over for dinner and to hang out and watch the game. I had purchased some things for him throughout the last couple of weeks that I was finally able to give him. Some mandarin oranges and a big jar of pickles! A couple of his favorites.




It was great to see him, it had been awhile, and I was glad to have some little way to show him I am always thinking of him.

So for dinner I made a shephards pie. I was going to make goulash because I thought my step son was coming over too and that is his favorite. But when we learned he could not make it, I made the other boys favorite instead.

I want to love Zach with food too though so I went to the store and picked up some more hamburger and I am going to make some goulash for Tim to take over to him on his way to work tomorrow.


Also had some really great chocolate cookies to share.
Guys really like it when you give them food!

Day 76,77

Now before you say, "This is getting to be a habit, Becky," let me explain :)
My son had a friend over last night to spend the night. Of course they spent most of the evening down in the basement, now that the dream of a place to hang out down there is becoming a reality!
Here's the thing- when they play the xbox they play online. If I get on my laptop to do anything, I hear "Mom, you are killing us!" Evidently there is not enough room on the internet for both of us at once. Well, I wanted him to have fun, and no way was I going to stay awake longer than them, so I just let it go.

But here I am now!

It has been hard for me to be encouraging lately. The winter has been long and slightly debilitating. Hormones are taking their toll on me too. It is times like this I hope that my smile and my presence and my determination to keep going will encourage somebody all on it's own. Or, maybe something I have done in the past is still encouraging someone today. My family and friends encourage me all the time even when they are not around, or I have not spoken to them. Something they have said or done will come to mind and I smile.

Gift from my friend, Wendybird

As I think about it, I realize that God encourages us just by knowing who He is and by looking around at His creation. Spring is an example! Even when things seem bleakest, you know they are going to come to life again-(myself included)- a picture of the resurrection.
The dragonfly has become an encouragement to me because of a story that was given to me at the funeral home. A perfect picture of the relationship between what we can and cannot see. The summer after Amanda died, God sent dragonflies to us. A big black dragonfly was in my backyard all summer. It was there ALL the time. Now, we lived in town at the time and I do not recall ever having seen a dragonfly in my yard before. When we were at my sisters, one landed on my mom and just sat there. It amazed me that God did that, but there was no doubt in my mind that He was letting me know He was there, and that she was okay. Right now I can't see them, but when my time comes, I will!
Here's the dragonfly story:

The Dragonfly Story

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in awhile one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

"Look!" said one of the water bugs to another. "one of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she is going?" Up, up, up it slowly went....Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return...

"That's funny!" said one water bug to another. "Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second... "Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third.

No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled. Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. "I have an idea". "The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why."

"We promise", they said solemnly.

One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up, he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broke through the surface of the water and fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings...The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly!!

Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before.

The dragonfly remembered the promise: "the next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why." Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water...

"I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least, I tried. But I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what has happened to me, and where I went."

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air.......

Day 75- Holy Monkees!

That was one of Amanda's favorite expressions. The twist of the word Monkey is my own though. :)

I went to Borders book store today to get a book I had pre-ordered and check out their going out of business sale. I noticed all of the bookcases were for sale. We have been wanting bookcases for the basement/ cottage, but also have just been wanting them in general what seems like forever. We have boxes of books in boxes. Books do not belong in boxes, but shelves are hard to come by. Either they are too pricey, too cheap, too used , don't match, whatever, a majority of our books have remained in boxes. Until... I walked to the back of the store and saw four beautiful wood bookcases that had not been snatched up yet. Seven and a half feet tall and three feet wide each. For $40.00 each. What do you suppose went through my mind? Holy Monkeys!! I could hardly believe my luck. Or was it?
My husband picked them up and we set them up in our basement renovation in progress. I immediately started unpacking our books and putting them out in the open where they belong. Tim's Clancy novels, lots of Christian books, school books, classics, fiction, how-to, and then the treasure; all of my children's favorites from growing up. As I put them on the shelves I imagined my future grandchildren asking me to read to them, and I say, "How about this one, it was your dads favorite!" Various titles brought back so many memories. One of my favorite things to do was reading to my children. Amanda especially loved being read to, and then loved reading on her own. I came to the tub of her books. It  made me so happy to place them on the shelves to be seen and remembered. A persons books are a glimpse inside of their soul. Now I can go pull them out and remember those parts of her and all who see them will too. What a gift we received today! Thank you Father!

Day 74

Sewing for service today! Only a couple of ladies came, one brought her sweet and playful daughter. We had a very nice time crocheting, visiting and eating together. We are off to a slow start, but I believe it will grow as we go along.

If you build it they will come....

This picture reminded me that it is almost baseball season. Mom is getting excited! Going to the game is tough for her these days, so I think we will have to get some hot dogs and popcorn, beer and pop and camp out in front of that big tv of hers and watch a couple games just like we were there. We will wear tank tops and sunglasses and put sunscreen on our noses. Go Tigers!

Day 73

Okay so I took a long weekend. Does it count if it feels like Monday? I wish every Tuesday could be Monday. Like you get to do Monday twice, is what I mean. The first one would be to mentally prepare for the week ahead, and then the next day would be the real Monday. That would work for me. But, alas, it is not to be. God knows best. Before you know it, people would be wanting two Saturdays and two Sundays....you get the picture. We are never quite satisfied with the way things are. I spent a good portion of my life feeling unsatisfied. If someone was doing this I wished they were doing that. If it was raining I wished it was sunny. If it was sunny I wished it was raining! If I was working I wanted to be home. If I was home I wanted to be working. And one thing was for sure, I always wanted to be driving. It is so futile to wish that things I have no control over would be different.

Sometimes you just gotta hand over the keys and enjoy the ride.

68...69...

It has been a rough week. Hopefully I will get back on track after the weekend. Yes, that means I am also taking the weekend off blogging.  There are some really difficult situations in the life of people I know and love right now. Along with hurting for them, it also has the effect of taking me mentally back into some of the hardest times in my own life. I am going to take some time to just rest and reflect and pray.
Like the quote from Lord of the Rings on day 33:     " There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold."
Although it says time does not mend these things, I think, in a sense, they are healed ( by Christ) but the scars remain. Then when I see others suffering the same pain, it is as though the scar itches and reminds me of just how it got there. Their pain becomes mine again, because I have felt it.

This life can be amazingly joyful and desperately difficult. There cannot be one without the other.
I am so looking forward to the next one that God promises will be ALL joy.

I pray that the people I know who are suffering right now will find the Cross. The love of Christ. I pray they will know that no matter what happens, if they accept His gift of forgiveness, bought and paid for on the Cross, then they will have the hope of eternity. The victory of Love. The wisdom of suffering. The promises of God's provision.

Romans 5  

Peace with God Through Faith

1 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3 More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. 6 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person--though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die-- 8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. 10 For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. 11 More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

Day 62-67

I really dropped the ball here for a bit. I have spent the last week just being and not doing too much at all.
It started with the weekend...

Friday I went to my mom's and spent the night, and most of the next day. I don't seem to be able to recall much of Saturday evening- just went home and vegged out. Sunday's service at church was a good one and to be continued this Sunday. On Sunday afternoon we were informed that Tim's boss had been killed in a car accident! TRAGIC.  Along with the deep loss for his family, the office will greatly miss him, he was well loved and respected. He was only 45 and has two young girls. Sigh- sometimes I get so tired of all the loss that happens, and how quickly life can change so drastically.
Monday, my mom came over here and brought some things I forgot at her house. It worked out nicely because she was able to join me and my friends for our monthly coffee visit, then we picked up Jared and had a nice lunch at the neighborhood diner. Yesterday I slept most of the day away. Today I woke up feeling more coherence and energy than I have for awhile, so I am catching up on a bunch of things, to include my blog.
I printed out some more bookmarks for the counseling office- I am thrilled that people are snatching them up so quickly. My plan is to take some and plant them in some more places next week. I really like being able to share Christ's message and Amanda's legacy together that way.

Speaking of LEGACY...
That is what has been on my mind for the last several days. Our choices in daily life determine the legacy that we leave behind. To our family, our friends, and possibly the world. When Amanda died, I did a lot of thinking about that in ways I never had before.
I decided that I wanted to make choices based on the legacy I wanted to leave behind, rather than making choices based on what I felt I needed at any given moment. I had begun to think that way after Jesus became my Savior, but it really hit home after Amanda's death. She had left a legacy, just by being who she was and the choices she made. She did not make very many choices based on her own wants, but instead put other people and living out Christ's love first.
I think there are things in life that are worth fighting for. Worth sacrificing my own desires for.
Christ laid down His life for me, and now I am free to decide that I can lay down my life for Him.
When forgetting myself, I have always been more blessed than when I was trying to please myself. God may take me home tomorrow, or even today. If  He does I hope my legacy leads people to Him.
I did a search for a verse I wanted to share and I came across this essay and want to share it here.
It is a wonderful essay about sacrifice. I was drawn to it because Amanda died on Memorial weekend, so I read it and realized it just happened to be about what I was writing about here, and what we talked about in church on Sunday. God is good.

Memorial Day: Reflections on a Life of Service 

You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.
Galatians 5: 13

This holiday weekend we celebrate something that I think is sometimes hard for many of us to comprehend:  the sacrifice of soldiers' lives for the sake of our freedom. In recent years I've heard many conflicted views on this matter. But I think it would be a mistake to see these brave men and women as merely victims. While each fallen soldier has a unique story, each soldier is a hero who willingly laid down his or her life for a greater cause.

I think part of our struggle to understand the fallen soldier comes with our difficulty in accepting sacrifice, especially when a sacrifice seems so final and appears to hold no obvious reward. The idea that anyone could give up everything - for people he doesn't even know - is hard to process. We spend so much of life trying to gain, to acquire, to win. Our country is home to the American Dream, the land of opportunity. So contemplating the fallen solider can feel uncomfortable, even confusing.

I was pondering this struggle to embrace sacrifice at church. It was the Feast of Corpus Christi and our pastor was reflecting on Christ's willingness to spill His blood for our sake. Our pastor emphasized that the only appropriate response to a sacrifice of this magnitude would be to offer our lives in return. He put it in terms of worship, saying God first bowed down to us by becoming human, and now it is our turn to bow down to Him.

So often I meditate on Christ's sacrificial love, but fail to love Him sacrificially in return. I thank Him with my words, but do little to change my life. Yet this is what God desires of us. We call our soldiers "service men / women" yet that term should describe Christians as well. Just as sacrifice is required to secure our freedom as Americans, freedom does not exist independently of sacrifice in the life of the believer. Yes, the gift of faith brings us freedom - freedom from sin, freedom to be who God made us to be and to know God more deeply. But that freedom came with the price of the Cross and our gift of freedom is to be used for service.

"So the last will be first, and the first will be last" (Mt 20: 16). A friend and I have a running joke about this scripture verse. We will defer to each other in attempt to win "last place" - to secure our first place prize in heaven, of course. While our motivations here may be a bit off, I've come to think it's not a bad contest. Grow your servant's heart by striving to take last place at least once this week - even if it's as simple as being last in line at the grocery store or serving yourself last at the dinner table

Original publication date: May 26, 2008   Sarah Jennings, Crosswalk.com family Editor

Day 61

http://www.prisoneralert.com/pprofiles/vp_prisoner_208_profile.html

Remember back on Day 11? I sent a letter of encouragement to Said Musa. He has been released! I don't know if my letter helped, alongside all the others, or had anything to do with his release, but I feel a part of it now, and so happy to hear the great news. I am glad I took the time, and I have been inspired and encouraged by his faith.

Now I will try to write the above without any I's, me's or mines.(see Day 60)

Remember back on day 11? Voice of the Martyrs invited people to send letters of encouragement to Said Musa who had been imprisoned for his faith in Christ. He has been released! The experience of coming alongside other Christians and encouraging him, knowing his story and the strength of his faith has been a real blessing and an inspiration.


Hmm.. that was challenging- interesting how it changes the focus.

I don't know- they are just cute!

Day 60

I was thinking of trying to find some interesting ideas to help me get through the rest of the winter. I am enjoying my new project- decorating my cottage (basement), but painting gets old in a hurry. March can seemingly last forever, the long trek towards spring. I did some creative web surfing and came across this novel idea at  http://www.happiness-project.com

Dorothea Brande was an American writer and editor, well known for her books Wake Up and LiveBecoming a Writer (a useful resource for writers, by the way).

In Wake Up and Live, she suggests twelve mental exercises to make your mind keener and more flexible. These exercises are meant to pull you out of your usual habits and to put you in situations that will demand resourcefulness and creative problem-solving. Brande argues that only by testing and stretching yourself can you develop mental strength.

Even apart from the goals of creativity and mental flexibility, Brande’s exercises make sense from a happiness perspective. One thing is clear: novelty and challenge bring happiness. People who stray from their routines, try new things, explore, and experiment tend to be happier than those who don’t. Of course, as Brande herself points out, novelty and challenge can also bring frustration, anxiety, confusion, and annoyance along the way; it’s the process of facing those challenges that brings the “atmosphere of growth” so important to happiness. 

Here are Dorothea Brande’s twelve mental exercises. Note: she wrote these in 1936, so you need to adapt of few of them.

1. Spend an hour each day without saying anything except in answer to direct questions, in the midst of the usual group, without creating the impression that you’re sulking or ill. Be as ordinary as possible. But do not volunteer remarks or try to draw out information.

2. Think for 30 minutes a day about one subject exclusively. Start with five minutes.

3. Write a letter without using the words I, me, mine, my.

4. Talk for 15 minutes a day without using I, me, my, mine.

5. Write a letter in a “successful” or placid tone. No misstatements, no lying. Look for aspects or activities that can be honestly reported that way.

6. Pause on the threshold of any crowded room and size it up.

7. Keep a new acquaintance talking about himself or herself without allowing him to become conscious of it. Turn back any courteous reciprocal questions in a way that your auditor doesn’t feel rebuffed.

8. Talk exclusively about yourself and your interests without complaining, boasting, or boring your companions.

9. Cut “I mean” or “As a matter of fact” or any other verbal mannerism out of your conversation.

10. Plan two hours of a day and stick to the plan.

11. Set yourself twelve tasks at random: e.g., go twenty miles from home using ordinary conveyance; go 12 hours without food; go eat a meal in the unlikeliest place you can find; say nothing all day except in answer to questions; stay up all night and work.

12. From time to time, give yourself a day when you answer “yes” to any reasonable request.

Hmmm...interesting ideas to help break out of a rut! 

Changing things up often leads to new perspectives. I will give it a try.

PS. I did not have to think about how to be encouraging today- God brought an opportunity to me!

Day 59

I am so thankful for the good news a friend of mine got today- Benign! We went to lunch together and were talking about some of the things we had been through in our lives. Our conversation got me thinking about forgiveness. I think it is one of the hardest things to truly do, and something we all face many times. My own experience with forgiveness has at times been a major struggle. But God's forgiveness granted to me, and Christ's death to secure it, made it imperative for me to learn how to do it.  Knowing I can trust God to take care of me is what allows me to let myself be more vulnerable. Knowing I have been given so much grace allows me to share that grace with others. Christ did not consider His pain more important...so how then can I?

F- forlorn from a burden that's weighing me down
O- overcome with the pain of betrayal
R- righteous anger and rage
G- give way to tears and resignation
I- I don't want to be hurt again
V-vainly set on self preservation, I run, I hide, I build a castle around my heart
E- even as I seemingly protect myself, I become imprisoned
N- never letting my guard down, never relaxed in trusting innocence
E- enlightenment! I must let go - trust in God and the healing power of Christs love
S- such grace is impossible without Him- His forgiveness granted to me shows me the way
S- stunning freedom, the walls come down, the burden is lifted, love rules the day!